All because of a little gas

My gas bill was due today. Not just due today, but past-due today. I know… not very responsible of me to put it off for so long, but with all the holiday hassle, I knew I had time, or so I thought. I kept saying I’d drop off the payment but the due date came (and went). Then the past-due notice came. I still had time. Then we went out of town for the holidays. Crap! It was due Friday and we were 2 ½ hours away. I could just put it in the drop box Sunday night when we got home. I remembered this Sunday night at 11:30 p.m. while watching TV in bed.

Ok, so I’ll call them first thing Monday morning and explain everything and bring it right up to them. Normally, I wouldn’t be so paranoid, but about 10 years ago I did the same thing and THEY SHUT ME OFF! I got there 20 minutes after they opened and they already had a technician out and had shut off our gas service! So I vowed never to take that chance again. So I got up at 7:45, they open at 8:00. Then I fell back asleep and woke up at 8:20. They probably already shut me off. I picked up the phone to call them and plead my case. “Welcome to Citizens Gas automated customer service line. Press 2 for billing information…” I pressed 2 and nothing, dead silence. My phone went out. STUPID COMCAST! I went over to the internet knowing what I’d find, since both our phone and internet service were out for 3 days last week too.

Ok, where’s my cell phone? I picked it up to dial and it said “Powering down, please charge…” ARE YOU SERIOUS? (My phone charger is in Marc’s van, in Jackson- 45 minutes away – because I forgot to grab it when we unloaded last night).

I guess I’ll just have to throw on my sweats, drive uptown with check in hand and hope they show me some compassion. I grab the car keys, throw on my jacket & boots, and… the car battery is dead. REALLY? Am I being watched? Is this some bad sitcom? Wait! My grandma’s van is parked in the driveway… with 2 flat tires. (Yeah, we’re the neighborhood hillbillies!) And it’s been in my driveway for 2 weeks without being driven. I’m sure it’ll need to be jumped. It’s been so cold out. I grabbed the key for that, turned the ignition… it started!!! And I know I have a can of fix-a-flat in my car’s trunk in case of an emergency.

I screw the hose of the fix-a-flat onto the front flat tire and push the button on the can. Of course I didn’t have it screwed on tight (my fingers were frozen together at this point because the plastic bins that I have at the top of the coat closet labeled “gloves & mittens” no longer have gloves and/or mittens in them, but a misplaced unsnapped jacket hood, a scarf, and a fleece headband) and it sprayed out all over me - my hands, my arms, down the front of my coat. And this crap is made of something gas-like because that’s what it smelled like!

So I go into the garage and drag Marc’s air compressor down off the shelf (which I had been trying to avoid doing) and dig out the extension cord and inflate the 2 tires and head uptown to pay my stupid gas bill.

I look in the rear view mirror on the way and notice I have eyeliner smudged and try to wipe it off so I look somewhat presentable (who am I kidding?!). OH CRAP! I didn’t wash my hands after the fix-a-flat fiasco. That burns!

So now I get to Citizens Gas Company where, I hate to admit, they were very gracious. “No problem!” they tell me. Well, since I’m out, I should run up to work and try to call Marc and tell him to call Comcast and get the tech out again to fix our phones/internet service (again I say, for the 2nd time in a week!!!). But wait, we can’t make long-distance calls from work. I’ll just stop at a payphone. I know I have some change at the bottom of my purse. Man, I haven’t used a payphone in like 5 years. And you know what, most other people must not have either, because you can’t find them anywhere! Finally Walgreen’s comes to my rescue. The only payphone in the tri-city area, I’m sure of that! I call Marc’s office and wait for about 3 minutes (I have 7 minutes left and no more change!) when Marc comes on the phone. I have to give him this low-down in about 20 seconds and have him call Comcast, insisting they send someone out ASAP – because we’re not happy customers at this point, messing with no service AGAIN!

In the end, Comcast will be out Tuesday between noon and 2 p.m. Hopefully I’ll have my beloved computer back online, I still have heat because my gas bill is paid, and hell, it can only get better from here, right?!

(But you know, I was going to ask Marc to drop off the gas bill on his way to work this morning, but I didn’t because it was out of the way of his normal route, and I didn’t want him to complain about it. That makes all of this his fault, right?!)