took me off guard

My mother-in-law died 7 months ago. My husband's mom. My kid's grandma. And we lived together. It was hard to know how to handle the kids after all this. What did they absorb, what questions would they have, how would they mourn? There's no instruction book for this, although I did read about every one on death and dying out there. I don't know if it was a blessing that we knew what was on the horizon for her, we tried to prepare the kids for what was impending, they watched her grow weaker and weaker as the days went on. Then it happened. I hate to make it sound so calloused, like "in a nutshell," but it happened. We knew it would. We thought we prepared ourselves, we thought we prepared the kids, but nothing can do this.

So, it's been 7 months now. It seems like yesterday. We had our first christmas without her, things are moving on. The kids are growing and doing things she'd have never missed for the world. And they seem to be doing really well. Again, not to sound so calloused. The the other day on the way home from daycare, I said, "Sam, how was school today?" He said (which completely blindsided me) "Grandma used to ask me that every day. I miss Grandma." Wow. We try to keep her spirit alive in our home and with the kids by talking about her every day, or bringing up something funny she would have done or said. (like when the dogs do something bad, I always say, "Grandma is hating this right now!!!") I know heartache is a part of the process, and it'll take a long time for them. And I know that she's watching every talent show, basketball game, and homework session (which was her "cup of tea", not mine and Marc's!) And I know the responsibility falls upon us as parents to keep her alive in them so they know how much they meant to her. If there's one thing I can do after all that's happened, that would be it.